I finally got my Mom on the blog. I did this actual interview about a month ago, but got a little busy and it got pushed to the back burner. However, since the interview BBKF and I got engaged, and for my own curiosity more than anything, I wanted to revisit what we had talked about. My parents have been married for almost forty years, which seems extremely daunting to me. It’s a nice idea in theory, but more and more it seems like something only very few can handle.
Me: What would you do if you and Dad weren’t together anymore for whatever reason?
Mother Unit: I would not remarry, because it’s too hard to retrain another one, would take too many years. I would be happier keeping my own place. I don’t want to have any pressures or anything.
Me: Would you date again?
Mother Unit: I don’t know. It’s tough to think about. I would rather find a travelling companion, almost preferably female, because you get along better, you can go and do your own thing. I don’t know. It’s been forty years with your Dad. It’s kind of hard to think of another person. All the memories you’ve got together, and then you have to start over. Plus, you know, there’s someone else’s kids and then they might have kids, and I just don’t want to be apart of it.
Me: What’s it like being married for that long?
Mother Unit: Okay. The day I got married I remember standing outside the church getting ready to go in, and I hadn’t been nervous at all up to that point. And then I started thinking “this is for the rest of your life”, and then the flowers started shaking. <both of us laughed> Cause I’m thinking, you can’t, at 20 years old, it’s unfathomable to think one year down the road, never mind five or ten or forty or fifty. You’re thinking, how are you going to stand this person for that long?
Me: Yeah, for sure.
Mother Unit: And then, the first year goes by and you go wow, that year was pretty fast. And there’s ups and downs because you’re getting to know each other, you know, living together. And then there’s five years, and we had kids so that kind of consumes a lot of your time, and time just goes by. Now it’s been almost forty years, and I can’t imagine life without your Dad. Looking back, I don’t know how it went so fast. I think you have to have the right partner, and I don’t mean life is perfect. That everyday we get up with that little twinkle and say that we just love each other so much. There’s some days we don’t like each other, but that’s okay. It’s still not enough to say to hell with it, and move on. But you know, I don’t think it’s that common to find a partner that you can spend your life with. Obviously, look at divorce rates and all the people splitting up all the time. I think it’s not as easy, and I think that since we have it, we think it is, but it’s not.
Me: What would be a deal breaker for you?
Mother Unit: What would make me leave? If he cheated. Right away, I’d be gone. I could not forgive it. Two things, and I’ve always said it from day one to your Dad. You cheat on me or you hit me, and I’m gone. I think you can work through a lot of things, but those would be my two I could not look back and I could not forgive. That may just be my personality. I’ve seen people who have actually survived, cheating, and it could be that both partners have and maybe they don’t look at it as severely as I do. But I just look at it like, you’ve done it once, you will do it again. You don’t have that same….respect I guess, for the other person. Nobody deserves that.
Me: Do you ever regret not living on your own? You went from your parent’s house to your marriage house.
Mother Unit: A little bit. I was going to move out of my parent’s house, and then Dad convinced me to stay, to stay at home to save some money. You want to talk about not affording a lot? If I had rented a place, I probably wouldn’t have eaten. I was only making like $11,000/year gross. If you had to rent for $300/month, plus all your bills and your car and everything else? Phuh. But anyhow, a little bit. I think if I wasn’t engaged I would’ve moved on my own, I would’ve made it work. I didn’t have to have new, I didn’t have to have anything, I could sleep on anyone’s couch and scrounge from anything back then, it didn’t matter to me. And if I hadn’t met your Dad I probably would’ve been on my own longer. I don’t know, it’s hard to say.
Me: What do you think the hardest thing is about being married?
Mother Unit: I think it’s the compromising. It’s not all about you. You can’t do anything and everything you want. You have to adapt, and that’s probably one of the biggest things.
Me: Does that increase when you have children?
Mother Unit: Maybe, but that’s the children and not really the marriage.
Me: Does having kids put more pressure on the marriage?
Mother Unit: No, I don’t think so. I think if there are cracks in the marriage or if you’re having difficulties, it’s not going to make it any better, because they do take a lot out of you. Especially until they’re five or six years old, they take up most of your time. I think one of the biggest hurdles for couples having kids is they haven’t talked. They haven’t talked about how they are going to raise them, they haven’t talked about religion, which all of a sudden becomes a huge factor for some people. They haven’t talked about how many kids they want. I think communication is one of the biggest things that keeps a marriage healthy.
Me: Do you think the mentality towards marriage has changed?
Mother Unit: Yes. I think roles have changed more so than just mentality. And there’s no real reason to get married anymore, there’s no more stigma like there used to be. If you don’t want to get married, don’t get married. Like I said, I wouldn’t get married again. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy my married life, I just wouldn’t do it again.
We went to Patron Tacos & Cantina on Robson Street near BC Place. This was my second time at this restaurant, and had an okay experience the first time. The second time proved to be much better, and I tried cactus for the first time, which was interesting. There were three veggie taco options, so I got two of the bean tacos, one cactus (nopales) and one potato taco. They were all very good, but I wasn’t too keen on the texture of the cactus so I’m not sure if I would get it again. Mother Unit got the chicken quesadilla, which she enjoyed, especially with all the complimentary salsas that are brought to the table. The guacamole was also super delish, and since my Mother Unit doesn’t like guac, I didn’t have to run the risk of stabbing her if she tried to take some.