THE INTERVIEW

Oh, how the tables have turned. You can call me Charlie, and I’ve been given the opportunity to do a little role reversal and quiz our lovely author on matters of the heart – she became my victim instead of me hers- cue villainous laughter- I showed up to Sugar Tits office with a bag of Taco del Mar armed with two wet burritos. Sugar tits had her usual veggie burrito smothered in both enchilada sauce and queso. HOT. I had the same, but with some chicken. She immediately warned me that even with the door closed people could hear everything, so we began to talk shit in a heavy whisper. Sugar tits busted open her take-out and admired her burrito for a good thirty seconds, as she always does, before crushing it in about 17 bites. God, she’s amazing. We got into it so hot and heavy we forgot to take pictures and silence swarmed the room. I figured we’d get the grub out of the way so that none of my questions were answered out of hanger.
The topic today is living with your significant other, heavy stuff, heavier than the 3- pound burrito I just hoovered without chewing. Anyway, true to form we started with some rapid-fire questions.

Charlie: Jammies, undies or nudies?

ST: Nudies

Charlie: Deep sleep cuddle or nah?

ST: I’m a dead sleeper- dead to the world sooo…

Charlie: Big spoon or little spoon?

ST: Little spoon- he’s too much spoon

Charlie: Are either of you blanket or pillow hogs?

ST: I’m a blanket hog (expression: picture devil emoji)

Charlie: Pregnancy pillow?

ST: BBKF gets two pillows, one for in between his thighs- He insists we get a bigger duvet(…)he likes it wrapped up and bunched between his legs.

Charlie: Morning sex or before bed?

ST: Morning- different and new to me. This relationship likes morning.

Charlie: Missionary breathing in each other’s faces?

ST: No, not fully awake crusted eyes, side spooning humping and then BAZINGA, we go at it from all angles – don’t put bazinga in there, that’s a horrible word.

BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGA

Moving on…

Now our Sugar Tits has lived with two dudes before and will eventually move in with BBKF. I know nothing on the topic and panic if a boy talks about a day beyond tomorrow so I have a lot to learn from our girl. I was around for one of ST’s living situations and know that it was unsuccessful, so I asked her why.

ST: Firstly when you live together you have to respect each other and secondly there has to be equal partnership. If one isn’t carrying the weight the other one has to carry the weight for both and eventually resentment kicks in and you can’t get rid of resentment, it gets worse and worse until you grow apart.

Charlie: What finally brought you to leave and end the partnership?

ST: The pressure was piling on. I was going to work and going to school and he wasn’t doing anything. I ‘d come home and everything was a disaster, I had to manage all the money and do everything.

Charlie: It wasn’t a partnership.

ST: Yeah, I realized it wasn’t worth my time any more.

Charlie: Because it was all of your time for no return.

ST: It was mostly for his benefit. I think the breaking point was we had never discussed children until after 3 years of living together. Suddenly he was going nuts about having a kid and I was like I can’t have kids with you, when you’re a kid!

Charlie: And what was the other relationship?

ST: We were together for just under a year and a half and we lived together for 6 months in my parent’s basement and my parents hated him. They said they would cut my rent in half if I kicked him out- so I did! *busts out laughing*

Charlie: That’s amazing

ST: And three months later we broke up. He was a good boyfriend but I was the definite breadwinner and he was kind of floating-he didn’t have any focus. Which is fine, we were young- but he never wanted to do anything, hang out with friends, go to parties…

Charlie: What about the respect factor?

ST: Yeah that was good but we weren’t equals, we had nothing in common.

Charlie: Is that why it’s going to work when you move in with BBKF, because you respect each other and are on equal playing ground?

ST: We are both the same on a social level. For example we like to hang out with friends but not a high amount, we prefer smaller groups. (…) He stays at my house quite a bit and there are no arguments, like, if I make dinner he automatically starts cleaning up, there is an understanding.

Charlie: What happens when it’s not understood? When you do move in together, there will be more responsibilities; it will no longer be a guest dynamic.

ST: I don’t think it’ll be an issue(…)he’s had roommates his whole life.

Charlie: So, do you think living with a significant other is the same as having a roommate?

ST: Not completely, but it’s the same thing in a sense, you have to share responsibilities.

Charlie: For a complete amateur, what’s your advice?

ST: I think my biggest thing is to always have a side hobby. Somewhere you can escape to (…) somewhere you can go to relax, where you’re away from your S.O.

THE REVIEW

ST is my burrito babe. Similar to Taco del Mar, she’s the perfect meeting once a week. TdM cures my violent craving for a burrito in a quick and dirty kind of way and ST feeds my brain in a dirty, quick kind of way. TdM in Langley is best to take- away because the atmosphere is cheap, best described by their plastic utensils you’re forced to use whether you eat-in or not. But their food and selection is the perfect fix mid-week when socializing is just too much but burrito is life.